Mirjam, one of mama's nurses who had a special rapport with her, was on duty and keeping watch. Gerben, Tanja and Charise had been there on Sunday, and not been sure whether to return to Oostzaan (a 100 minute drive). In the end they drove back – mama had been close to critical before, and it looked like the end was not that near yet.
Around 2am Mirjam called Gerben to say that mama had deteriorated quickly and the children should come (Gerben would call Anne Marie and Ric). However mama passed away within 15 minutes. Probably the way she wanted to - privately and quietly: we were just not meant to be there.
The last week while I was back in Melbourne, mama had been getting worse. I kept track of flight availabilities but didn’t want to leave too early in case mama had a relapse again: she had surprised us a few times before.
While all the euphoria of buying our new house was happening, it was also clear that mama was getting critical, so I organised to fly back to Holland on Sunday – we even dropped by at the real estate agent’s on our way to the airport to have the contract of sale modified. Talking about mixed feelings…
I had a long stopover in Kuala Lumpur and there was an email from Gerben that the situation hadn't changed much and he'd be at Schiphol in the morning. However when I arrived Tanja was there instead of Gerben. My first thought was that Gerben had fallen ill, but Tanja had to break the sad news to me. It was still quite a shock - after all those false alarms, you almost didn't believe it would happen.
Emotions followed each other rapidly: disbelief at first, then a short period of upset because I was too late again (just like with papa 13 months earlier), followed by relief, just plain relief. Mama didn't have to suffer anymore - she'd been ready for quite some time and before she got this bad she had been praying to be relieved from this life, and be reunited with dad and her parents.
There was also personal relief. Mama's past rollercoaster had been draining us all: getting ready for her to go, and then she'd recover again.
Tanja and I drove to Hengelo. Mama had been fully prepared already - Mirjam and Annelies (another nurse) had done that under direction of the funeral directors.
Mama looked better than she had been for quite a while - the relief was visible in her face too. I normally find it a bit strange to see a deceased person, but it felt quite natural to see mama there.
We had decided to keep mama at home until the funeral, just like with dad. It made it possible to sit with mama any time we wanted to, and slowly say our good-byes. So mama stayed in the same bed in the living room she'd been in for the past year.
Then the busy week of organising the funeral started. Tineke, a friend of mine who prepares and delivers eulogies, had recommended Nolet, a funeral director, and the two of them managed everything wonderfully.
On Friday night we had a memorial service in church, and afterwards people could come to our house on the Enschedesestraat to give their condolences, and also to physically say goodbye to mama in the house where she had lived for the past 37 years.
Saturday was the day of the funeral. It rained cats and dogs that day – Doris tells me this is considered a very good sign in Asian cultures: the sun should shine when you get married, but rain on your funeral day is good for the soul of the departed.
The funeral was in the Lambertuskerk on the Enschedesestraat – the same church mama got baptised in 77 years before. Countless times mama had walked down the road from home to church, and now she was driven the same route, with Tineke and Nolet walking ahead of the hearse in the pouring rain.
It was a fitting farewell for our dearly beloved mother who has, and still does mean so much to us all.
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