Our Year 2017

2017 has gone very quickly - it was a busy year with lots of travel, study for Doris and the kids. It had a real low with the death of Bernt's younger brother Ric but also highs.

But it started with a beautiful Australian summer where we had our K-mart pool setup in the back yard.

Pretty soon though I had to go to Portugal for work. We were installing our IFE (In-Flight Entertainment) system on a Boeing 767 from Euro Atlantic Airways - a charter company based in Lisbon. It was my first experience working on an actual aircraft installation and I really enjoyed it. It's always great seeing your product being used and getting this going on a real aircraft was special. Also I loved being in Portugal and really liked the Portugese people we worked with. It turns out that in many ways they're similar to the Dutch: both sea-faring countries with the associated broader world-view and we both have a big neighbour they don't always like. Lisbon is a gorgeous city also and I'd love to come back and see more of it and Portugal in general.

We had to postpone my return flight, and flying Emirates back from Amsterdam was the most convenient. So I got to spend a day in Amsterdam with Gerben, his daughter Charise and Anne Marie and her son Gijs. It was lovely having an impromptu visit like that, and we made the most of it!

Doris was finishing a year's course by a Canadian lady. The course was mostly online, but there was also an optional group visit to Uluru (the former Ayers Rock in Central Australia) in late March which Doris attended and loved. Then the final part was in April: a one-week intensive in Canada, just north of Toronto.

We'd been thinking about making this a family holiday, but it was going to be too expensive. However we then found some cheap tickets flying China Southern via Guangzhou - AU$900 per person return: amazing how relatively inexpensive flying has become. So we couldn't resist and gave the kids the opportunity to see North America. While Doris was at her course, me and the kids would go to Washington and New York.  The flight included a hotel stopover in Guangzhou on the way, which we all enjoyed except for Christopher: too busy, noisy and smelly!

The first week was spent in Toronto and Niagara Falls - one of the must-see destinations in the US. Regrettably it has become a big commercial circus (literally almost): it's changed heaps from when I first visited it in 1983.
But there were redeeming factors: such as the Hershey store. Annabelle had been wanting to get Hershey chocolate (courtesy of one of the YouTube vloggers she follows), but she hadn't expected a whole store of the stuff...!

We dropped Doris off at her course and the three of us flew from Toronto to Washington DC - visit that new president's domain. I was a bit disappointed by DC - again it had deteriorated from the beautiful, well maintained place I'd visited before. Especially around the National Mall it had deteriorated - have a look at the National Christmas tree...



Washington DC is well known for its museums and we enjoyed visiting the Spy Museum and of course the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum.

Then we flew to New York City - one of my favourite cities in the world (after Paris and San Fransisco), and had a beautiful view of Manhattan from the plane. I was really looking forward to showing NY to the kids. It was the first place I landed in North America in 1983 and back then was completely blown away by it. However, it was interesting to notice how the kids reacted, both to New York and being in North America in general. They enjoyed it, but they definitely weren't as excited as I was, and I was about twice their age back then! I reckon it has to do with how they literally have the whole world at their fingertips, in living colour, with sound and virtual walk-thru's on their iPads... However, you can't have an ice cream on a virtual bench in Central Park, so being on a real one was still pretty special!

Christopher was ill one day but still willing to see Ground Zero that day and take the Staten Island Ferry to see the Statue of Liberty the Dutch way - ie free... 😉
It's just so hard to take its photo with your daughter when your daughter doesn't like being photographed...

The kids got a good experience of New York - the slow bus from La Guardia to Manhattan, the busy and dirty subway to our hotel (on 44th street), the hustle and bustle of nearby Times Square, that Annabelle loved but Christopher found too busy.
Christopher visited his favourite destination in any big city: the Lego Store at Rockefeller Centre, and Annabelle loved the huge selection and treats in the M&M store. Madame Tussaud on 42nd street was a must-see, and Annabelle's highlight were the burgers at Five Guys.
I was particularly impressed with the new developments around Ground Zero - the enormous, solemn pools where the foundations of the original World Trade Center towers 1 and 2 used to be, with the engraved names of the people that died in the collapses. The freedom tower (officially 'one world trade center') is very impressive, as are the enormous underground cavernous mall and walking areas.

- to be completed -

Skiing
AR Teeth
Soccer
Doris' Course
Work changes

Bernt's brother Ric has passed away

This morning, a few minutes past midnight,

our younger brother Ric passed away in Holland.

In 2015 Ric started having health issues. He eventually had tests done which showed that he had bowel cancer which had also spread to his liver and lungs. An enormous shock for all, especially seeing he was still so young - not even 50 at the time.

Ric underwent Chemotherapy at the local hospital and we got a second opinion from the renowned Anthoni van Leeuwenhoek (AVL) hospital in Amsterdam, which specialises in oncology. Considering Ric's age, AVL thought that a combination of chemotherapy, radiation and operations could give him a reasonable chance of survival. This is the path Ric choose, but it was very draining for him: having to travel to Amsterdam regularly and being in the hospital where his friends couldn't visit him easily. Of course our eldest brother Gerben, who, just like Anne Marie, tried to help Ric in any way possible, lives very close to Amsterdam and would see him every day.

Ric celebrated his 50th birthday on January 7, 2016, and I flew to Holland to spend some time with Ric and be at his birthday. Our relationship had always been strained, but despite that this was one of the better visits.

Early in 2016 Ric had a liver operation which was reasonably successful - they had to take half of his liver but managed to remove most of the cancerous growths, apart from one that was too close to a blood vessel and would require radiation. Ric recovered well from this heavy operation, but regrettably a scan a couple of months later showed new growths in the liver.

This meant that they wouldn't continue treatment in the AVL. A lot of the hope we all had was shattered, but Ric took it incredibly well. He preferred going to the local hospital where they continued the chemo. In the meantime he got the all-clear for the bowel cancer, which gave him a boost and he celebrated that with treats at his work: whenever he could he had continued working at his beloved Renault dealership. He also spent quality time with his friends Anny, Jan Peter and Joke, especially during the weekends and on holidays.

In 2017 Ric became physically weaker and was much more affected by the chemotherapy than earlier. He lost his appetite and was losing weight. Then he started having difficulties going to the toilet and felt ill a lot. In August they did another scan and found that his bowel had burst at the location of the original tumour. They immediately operated and had to give him a stoma - an artificial bowel outlet. Ric had investigated this in the past and had decided he really didn't want that. The stoma must've been a huge shock for him when he realised.

After the operation Ric didn't really recover. After a week his spirit came back for a few days, but then the fever increased again. Despite all the antibiotics he was given it was clear that the infection was out of control. On Friday Sept 8 we decided to stop treatment and switch to palliative care.

Gerben called me in Brisbane to let me know and I flew to Holland via Melbourne, going straight to the hospital in Almelo when I arrived on Monday night.

I barely recognised Ric - walking into his room you'd see the right-hand side of his face and it just didn't look like him. Sitting down, looking at his left he looked more like the brother I knew. A funny aside here - Gerben reckons that in his latter days Ric started to look more and more like me...

Ric was conscious and clearly very tired, He tried to talk but it was almost impossible to make out what he wanted to convey. Gerben and Anne Marie were both there too (they drove back and forth every day from respectively Amsterdam and Breda - 2 hours each way). Our family was together again.

View of the Twentse Countryside from Ric's hospital bed

Ric was wonderfully cared for in the hospital - two nurses that really stood out were Mieke and Aarnoudt. Despite their obvious job pressures they were immediately there when needed and always took all the time they required. Budget cuts in the Dutch health system too, but luckily not too much...

On Monday the hospital said they could put a bed next to Ric's if we wanted to spend the night there, but we thought Ric could easily last another week. However when Mieke left on Tuesday she said she 'hoped to see us at her next shift on Saturday'.

We had contacted Gerard and Tineke, friends of mine that Ric liked a lot too. Tineke is an ex-nurse and has experience with palliative care. When she saw Ric on Tuesday night she immediately said we should spend the night with him in the hospital. Gerben had to drive back to Amsterdam so I spent Tuesday night with Ric.

I actually slept for a few hours, still being jet-lagged, but awoke around 4am and couldn't get back to sleep. Ric's breathing was different: a quick (and rather loud) inhale and exhale, and then quiet for a while. I sat next to him and talked to him, but there was no response. He seemed to be in pain too - his face was grimacing regularly.

I Skyped Doris and we decided to put the phone speaker on so Doris could talk to Ric. When he heard her voice he reacted clearly. His eyes stayed closed but he had this beautiful, proud smile on his face – something like ‘my sister-in-law called for me’. This was the last time I saw Ric react to his environment.

On Wednesday night Gerben spent the night with Ric. Gerben had just read some information that Tineke had sent about a person’s last hours and how you can count the time between breaths. Gerben counted one… and that was the last.

Our brother Ric passed away just after midnight on the morning of Thursday September 14.

✝

See also:

• Ric's Eulogy
• Ric's Gedachteniskaartje
• Ric's Funeral

Ric's Eulogy

In grateful memory of

Ric Roelofs

* 7 January 1966                          † 14 September 2017

Ric was born in Hengelo as the third son out of 4 children. When Ric was one-month old we moved to Bergen op Zoom. Ric had a wonderful time there and Bergen op Zoom always held a special place in his heart.

When Ric was four years old we moved back to Hengelo. By then it had become clear that Ric was developing differently. He enjoyed his time at the Dr. Ariënsschool, a special care school in Hengelo. His high school education was at the LTS in Almelo. Without complaints he rode his bike every day two times 20 kilometres from Hengelo to Almelo. Ric enjoyed school, but homework wasn’t his favourite activity. Thanks to his mother’s help and endless patience Ric finished his education with a diploma.

Finding the right job for Ric proved to be a challenge. He started in the kitchen of the “Wapen van Beckum” restaurant. This proved too hectic and stressful for Ric. Subsequently he worked for many years delivering medications for Koop Pharmacy. After a brief period at a car detailing business Ric ended up at Munsterhuis, a chain of car dealerships. For over 15 years Ric really enjoyed worked there. He loved the work and was at ease around his colleagues. Ric was a great ambassador for the Renault brand: he would regularly ask if you weren’t ready to trade your car in for that beautiful new Renault. Three years ago Ric bought a Renault Captur himself which was his pride and joy.

Besides his work, his friends were very important to Ric. Anny was his pillar of strength and first port of call in times of need. Especially after his mother had passed away Anny took care of him in a wonderful way. She would help him with any problem or questions he had. They also had lovely outings together with Jan Peter and Joke. The many holidays with Anny and Jan Peter were some of Ric's dearest memories.

Two years ago it was a huge shock for him when he was diagnosed with metastasised bowel cancer. But after the initial impact Ric got control of himself and endured the many treatments and chemo-therapies courageously. The last few months his health suddenly deteriorated. At the end of August he was admitted to hospital. His body was too weak to recover. Peacefully Ric passed away in his sleep in the early morning of September 14.

We want to thank everybody for their attention and wonderful care of Ric.

Gerben, Bernt and Anne Marie Roelofs

Ric's Gedachteniskaartje

In dankbare herinnering aan

Ric Roelofs

* 7 januari 1966                           † 14 september 2017

 

Ric werd geboren in Hengelo als derde zoon van 4 kinderen. Toen Ric een maand oud was verhuisden we naar Bergen op Zoom. Ric heeft daar een mooie tijd gehad en Bergen op Zoom heeft altijd een speciaal plekje in zijn hart gehouden.

Toen Ric vier was verhuisden we weer terug naar Hengelo. Op dat moment was al duidelijk dat Ric zich op een andere manier ontwikkelde. Hij heeft een goede tijd gehad op de Dr. Ariënsschool, een school voor speciaal onderwijs in Hengelo. Zijn middelbare school heeft Ric in Almelo gedaan op de LTS. Elke dag fietste hij zonder problemen 20 kilometer van Hengelo naar Almelo. Op school had Ric het goed naar z’n zin, alleen huiswerk maken was niet zijn grootste hobby. Dankzij de hulp en het oneindige geduld van zijn moeder heeft Ric de opleiding met een diploma kunnen afsluiten.

Het vinden van de juiste baan voor Ric was wel een uitdaging. Hij is begonnen in de keuken van het “Wapen van Beckum”. Dit bleek veel te hectisch en stressvol te zijn voor Ric. Daarna heeft hij jaren gewerkt bij Apotheek Koop als bezorger van medicijnen. Na een korte periode bij een autopoetsstation is Ric uiteindelijk terecht gekomen bij Munsterhuis Autobedrijven. Hier heeft hij meer dan 15 jaar met veel plezier gewerkt. Hij vond het werk leuk en voelde zich op z’n gemak bij zijn collega’s. Ric was een goede ambassadeur voor het merk Renault en hij vroeg dan ook regelmatig of je nog niet toe was aan een andere auto en of die mooie, nieuwe Renault niets voor je was. Ric heeft drie jaar geleden zelf een Renault Captur aangeschaft en dat was zijn grote trots.

Naast zijn werk waren zijn vrienden erg belangrijk voor Ric. Anny was zijn grote steun en toeverlaat. Zeker na het overlijden van zijn moeder heeft Anny Ric geweldig opgevangen. Met alle vragen en problemen kon hij bij haar terecht. Ook maakten ze samen met Jan Peter en Joke leuke uitstapjes. De vele vakanties met Anny en Jan Peter waren dierbare herinneringen voor Ric.

Toen twee jaar geleden bekend werd dat Ric uitgezaaide darmkanker had, kwam dit voor hem als een enorme schok. Na de eerste schrik herpakte Ric zich goed en heeft hij alle behandelingen en chemokuren moedig doorstaan. De laatste maanden ging zijn gezondheid ineens achteruit. Uiteindelijk moest Ric eind augustus worden opgenomen in het ziekenhuis. Zijn lichaam was te verzwakt om er weer bovenop te komen. Ric is in de nacht van 14 september rustig ingeslapen.

Wij willen iedereen danken voor de aandacht en goede zorgen voor Ric. 

Gerben, Bernt en Anne Marie Roelofs

Ric's Funeral

Ric knew that he didn't have long to live. Although the end came much sooner than anybody expected, and Ric was avoiding the issue, Gerben managed to talk with him about some essential issues.

Ric had decided a long time ago that he would like to be buried close to mum and dad, and there happened to be an empty grave right next to their grave. Ric had even spoken to the cemetery manager about this and Gerben then officially arranged this for him. Ric also decided he didn't want a church funeral, nor did he want an open casket for the public.

We said good-bye to Ric at a funeral parlor in Delden on Tuesday Sept 19. On Monday night there was an additional opportunity for people to pay their respects.

We were surprised by the large number of people, both on Monday night and at the funeral on Tuesday. Especially many of Ric's work colleagues showed up. Because his work has several locations and Ric often did the deliveries between locations, many people knew him and many came to pay their respects.
For us it was heart-warming to hear the many lovely stories about Ric - he was definitely loved!
The service was beautifully directed by Tineke, a family friend. Ric's friends said a few words, a few memories were shared by Gerben and Anne Marie (English version will follow), and I shared my my perspective on Ric (Dutch version here).

We also showed a slideshow of Ric's photos at the end of the service.

Cars were one of Ric's big hobbies, and he had a large collection of miniature cars which he was very proud of. We brought these along and suggested that visitors would take one of Ric's miniature cars as a memento.

Ric is finally at peace - next to his mum and dad