Bernt's brother Ric has passed away

This morning, a few minutes past midnight,

our younger brother Ric passed away in Holland.

In 2015 Ric started having health issues. He eventually had tests done which showed that he had bowel cancer which had also spread to his liver and lungs. An enormous shock for all, especially seeing he was still so young - not even 50 at the time.

Ric underwent Chemotherapy at the local hospital and we got a second opinion from the renowned Anthoni van Leeuwenhoek (AVL) hospital in Amsterdam, which specialises in oncology. Considering Ric's age, AVL thought that a combination of chemotherapy, radiation and operations could give him a reasonable chance of survival. This is the path Ric choose, but it was very draining for him: having to travel to Amsterdam regularly and being in the hospital where his friends couldn't visit him easily. Of course our eldest brother Gerben, who, just like Anne Marie, tried to help Ric in any way possible, lives very close to Amsterdam and would see him every day.

Ric celebrated his 50th birthday on January 7, 2016, and I flew to Holland to spend some time with Ric and be at his birthday. Our relationship had always been strained, but despite that this was one of the better visits.

Early in 2016 Ric had a liver operation which was reasonably successful - they had to take half of his liver but managed to remove most of the cancerous growths, apart from one that was too close to a blood vessel and would require radiation. Ric recovered well from this heavy operation, but regrettably a scan a couple of months later showed new growths in the liver.

This meant that they wouldn't continue treatment in the AVL. A lot of the hope we all had was shattered, but Ric took it incredibly well. He preferred going to the local hospital where they continued the chemo. In the meantime he got the all-clear for the bowel cancer, which gave him a boost and he celebrated that with treats at his work: whenever he could he had continued working at his beloved Renault dealership. He also spent quality time with his friends Anny, Jan Peter and Joke, especially during the weekends and on holidays.

In 2017 Ric became physically weaker and was much more affected by the chemotherapy than earlier. He lost his appetite and was losing weight. Then he started having difficulties going to the toilet and felt ill a lot. In August they did another scan and found that his bowel had burst at the location of the original tumour. They immediately operated and had to give him a stoma - an artificial bowel outlet. Ric had investigated this in the past and had decided he really didn't want that. The stoma must've been a huge shock for him when he realised.

After the operation Ric didn't really recover. After a week his spirit came back for a few days, but then the fever increased again. Despite all the antibiotics he was given it was clear that the infection was out of control. On Friday Sept 8 we decided to stop treatment and switch to palliative care.

Gerben called me in Brisbane to let me know and I flew to Holland via Melbourne, going straight to the hospital in Almelo when I arrived on Monday night.

I barely recognised Ric - walking into his room you'd see the right-hand side of his face and it just didn't look like him. Sitting down, looking at his left he looked more like the brother I knew. A funny aside here - Gerben reckons that in his latter days Ric started to look more and more like me...

Ric was conscious and clearly very tired, He tried to talk but it was almost impossible to make out what he wanted to convey. Gerben and Anne Marie were both there too (they drove back and forth every day from respectively Amsterdam and Breda - 2 hours each way). Our family was together again.

View of the Twentse Countryside from Ric's hospital bed

Ric was wonderfully cared for in the hospital - two nurses that really stood out were Mieke and Aarnoudt. Despite their obvious job pressures they were immediately there when needed and always took all the time they required. Budget cuts in the Dutch health system too, but luckily not too much...

On Monday the hospital said they could put a bed next to Ric's if we wanted to spend the night there, but we thought Ric could easily last another week. However when Mieke left on Tuesday she said she 'hoped to see us at her next shift on Saturday'.

We had contacted Gerard and Tineke, friends of mine that Ric liked a lot too. Tineke is an ex-nurse and has experience with palliative care. When she saw Ric on Tuesday night she immediately said we should spend the night with him in the hospital. Gerben had to drive back to Amsterdam so I spent Tuesday night with Ric.

I actually slept for a few hours, still being jet-lagged, but awoke around 4am and couldn't get back to sleep. Ric's breathing was different: a quick (and rather loud) inhale and exhale, and then quiet for a while. I sat next to him and talked to him, but there was no response. He seemed to be in pain too - his face was grimacing regularly.

I Skyped Doris and we decided to put the phone speaker on so Doris could talk to Ric. When he heard her voice he reacted clearly. His eyes stayed closed but he had this beautiful, proud smile on his face – something like ‘my sister-in-law called for me’. This was the last time I saw Ric react to his environment.

On Wednesday night Gerben spent the night with Ric. Gerben had just read some information that Tineke had sent about a person’s last hours and how you can count the time between breaths. Gerben counted one… and that was the last.

Our brother Ric passed away just after midnight on the morning of Thursday September 14.

✝

See also:

• Ric's Eulogy
• Ric's Gedachteniskaartje
• Ric's Funeral